Faithful Service, Silent Hearts Read online

  "You bet," Devon returned the grin. Tonight, it seemed her senses were heightened. Somehow the little details that she never noticed before seized her attention. Like the way she was acutely aware of the gold highlights in Jillian's eyes that danced in the flashing lights of the club, or the way she tossed her head back when she laughed, exposing that long column of her neck. Powerless to look away, Devon blushed slightly. She reached for her beer, taking a long slow drink, her eyes riveted on Jillian.

  Jillian returned the steady gaze fixing on those impossibly beautiful eyes, allowing her gaze to drift over Devon's face to her full lips. A stray lock of light curl was hanging above her left eye and Jillian reached out slowly to brush it back. She detected no movement from Devon at her touch, save the slow rise of her chest as she took in a deep breath, and her eyes that seemed to turn a bit deeper blue. Jillian leaned forward intent on placing a feather light kiss on the soft lips when the brunette she had danced with earlier suddenly appeared next to her.

  Devon looked at the woman and then back to Jillian. Her eyes were guarded now with no hint of the welcome that Jillian was sure she had felt a few seconds ago. Devon's withdrawal stung and Jillian hesitated. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Just like that, everything shifted and the moment was lost.

  "C'mon, beautiful, you still owe me another dance," the brunette prodded. With that she tugged Jillian back toward the pulsing lights of the dance floor.

  From the dance floor Jillian stared over at the table where Devon and the rest of her friends were enjoying the evening. The dark haired woman in her arms nuzzled against her neck and rubbed a palm against her chest as they swayed with the music. "Mmm, you feel so good," she murmured.

  Jillian focused her attention on the woman in her arms. The woman's hands roamed freely under her t-shirt until her thumb stopped on her nipple and began flicking it lightly. Jillian felt a swell of arousal between her thighs and her nipples stiffen under the exploring touch. She could absolutely spend some quality physical time with this beauty. Running a hand through the long dark hair as she felt the brunette's thigh sliding between her legs making her muscles twitch, Jillian looked into hungry eyes. Yes. This was the distraction she needed. Raw physical attraction to take the edge off.

  "How 'bout you take me back to your place?" her dance partner purred.

  As she considered the proposal, Jillian's eyes fell on Devon's long lean form that she noticed was now standing with her back to the table, watching them. For the first time in memory, she couldn't bring herself to accept the advances of a more than willing, very pretty woman. Jillian stepped back from the embrace, "Sorry, I can't tonight, maybe some other time."

  "That is a pity," the dark haired woman pouted.

  Jillian left the dance floor, making her way back to the table of military women. Her hormones were raging. Her brain hurt from the onslaught of confusing thoughts and desires. She felt exposed, like her skin had been peeled back removing any protections. What the fuck was wrong with her? She moved to the safety of the opposite side of the table from where Devon stood. There was no way she was going to allow herself to examine what her reactions really meant. Jillian Gray didn't do emotional connection.

  Julie had been watching Jillian and Devon's unspoken intensity all weekend. She smiled to herself recognizing the wanting glint in her former lover's eyes when she looked at the attractive new addition to the group. But, the fact that she didn't bed that gorgeous brunette-now there was something shocking. Her gaze traveled down the table and saw Jillian's eyes fixed on Devon. How long before she realizes she is falling for that hot little thing?

  Chapter 4

  The following Friday night, Devon and Jillian were working furiously to clean and polish their room for the monthly Saturday morning mandatory inspection. Jillian despised these weekends because they interrupted her standing plans for a weekend off the military base, those rare hours where she could relax and be herself.

  Nobody in Boston cared if she was a lesbian. In fact, she found the company of many women who were quite pleased to learn that they were exactly what she was looking for. Jillian didn't see anything wrong with her weekend trysts. She always ensured that her partner for the evening was over eighteen, and she'd never had the slightest bit of trouble finding a willing collaborator. But, here they were, wasting a perfectly good Friday buffing the floor and shining shoes.

  "Jill, what's up? You're awfully quiet tonight,"

  Devon was putting the final polish on the floor using a towel under the buffer pad, pleased that the resulting shine was smooth as glass. She noticed that Jillian was edgy all week. Devon was starting to worry that she had done something to piss her off. It seemed like it started after they left the dance club in Boston last Saturday night. Did I imagine that she was about to kiss me?

  "Hmm?" Jillian looked up from the collar brass she was polishing. Devon's normally bright eyes were troubled. Guilt welled up inside Jillian knowing her mood was upsetting Devon, but her own inner turmoil was getting the best of her.

  "I asked if you were okay. You've been pretty quiet this week." Devon repeated.

  "I'm fine." With that Jillian returned to her polishing, thinking about her feelings, and frustrated by the truth that whenever Devon was around she couldn't concentrate on anything. She was angry with herself for allowing her attention to this woman to result in such uncertainty within her. No, she couldn't talk to Devon about this. Actually, she felt a sudden need to put some distance between them for her own sanity.

  "I'm gonna get some fresh air." With that she grabbed her keys off the nightstand and walked out the door, leaving Devon staring at her back as she strode down the hall.

  Jillian automatically found herself entering the adjoining dormitory and taking the stairs to the third floor. She lightly knocked at the first door on the right. Julie smiled brightly as she opened her door to find her friend standing there.

  "Hey," she gave the other woman a warm hug, "c'mon in."

  Returning the hug Jillian stepped inside the room identical to the one she shared with Devon. Looking around at the various personal belongings and photographs on display, her eye was drawn to one of her and Julie the day they graduated from ROTC. Immediately an image of the two of them making love sliced into her consciousness, making her stomach tighten and she immediately pushed it away. That seemed like a lifetime ago and they were too good of friends now to go there again.

  "Want a beer?" Julie was extracting two bottles from the refrigerator and Jillian accepted one gratefully.

  They shared an uneasy silence for a few minutes as Julie watched her auburn haired friend closely. Her brown eyes were darker than usual and she had a distracted, tense air about her, as though she was a dry twig ready to snap. She sat looking down at the beer bottle, picking at the label with her thumbnail. Julie could see that she was troubled, and she was fairly certain she knew what or rather who was causing her such consternation.

  Finally, Julie decided that she would have to be the one to ask. Pulling her chair close enough to place a hand lightly on her friend's knee, she said gently, "It might help if you talk about what's bothering you."

  At first, Jillian started to protest. She opened her mouth to tell Julie she was fine, just a bit tired from too much partying, but when she looked into those emerald eyes, she couldn't lie. After all they had been through together Julie was the one person in the world who could read her like a book. She stood and walked to the window, drawing a deep breath, unsure of exactly what to say.

  Julie sipped her beer and waited quietly. A few moments later Jillian turned to face her, leaning back on the window sill. She drained her beer, set the bottle beside her and folded her arms across her chest. Her eyes moved from Julie's face to a spot on the wall behind her as she spoke.

  "I wish I knew where to begin, Jules." She said just barely above a whispe
r.

  "Anywhere is fine," Julie responded kindly, "You know you can tell me anything."

  Jillian nodded, opening her mouth to speak, and then stopped again. Her brown eyes were so awash in confusion that they appeared to be melting.

  Julie decided to take a chance. "Is it Devon?"

  Jillian visibly tensed at the question and for a moment Julie thought that she said the wrong thing. She held her breath waiting for the other woman's response.

  At length, the confused brown eyes found the steady green gaze, drawing strength enough to continue. After a shaky breath, she began, "This is so not like me, Jules. Well, you know that."

  Julie's expression remained calm and reassuring. Jillian plunged ahead, "I can't stop thinking about her. When we're not together all I think about is what she might be doing. I can't concentrate on my work. What's worse is when we're together all I want to do is…touch her." Her voice broke. Julie wordlessly encouraged her friend to keep talking with a nod and a slight smile.

  "I…I don't know what to do, I am not used to this. I'm the roll in the hay fun girl, right?" She raked her hand through her hair and shook her head. When she saw the flash of hurt in Julie's eyes, she immediately wished she hadn't come. She knew that she had hurt this woman, precisely with her refusal to commit, playgirl behavior. The fear of commitment then had driven Jules away and now Jillian was reminded of the pain she caused and she felt ashamed.

  As though reading her thoughts, Julie absolved her, "We were never meant to be Jill." Jillian smiled sadly, grateful for the other woman's ability to forgive.

  "So what do you want to do?" Jillian walked to the refrigerator and retrieved two more beers, opening Julie's for her.

  "I don't know. Hell, Jules, I don't even know if she's a lesbian for Christ's sake. What am I supposed to do, just ask her? What if she isn't, then what? Will she keep quiet? Oh, this is so fucked up." She rubbed her face with the palm of her hand then stalked across the room trying to burn nervous energy.

  Raising her hands to shoulder height and turning in a circle she continued, "Did you see me last week, Jules? I couldn't even sleep with that gorgeous woman that was falling all over me. What's happening to me?" With that she flopped onto the small tan loveseat in the center of the room and pulled a long drink from her beer.

  In fact, Julie had seen the signs. It was obvious to anyone with eyes and a brain that Jillian was falling head over heels for the newest lieutenant on the base. At first, Julie had been wary of the newcomer, after all, none of them could be too careful. CID, Criminal Investigations Division, was always looking to expose individuals that they suspected of being homosexual, especially if you were training in a field requiring a security clearance. But, so far, Julie had no reason to suspect that the lieutenant was anything but what she appeared to be-friendly, fun, a bit naïve maybe, and definitely hot.

  "So why did you ask her to come to Boston with us? You must have had a reason, Jill," Julie's tone was a bit harder than she intended, but Jillian had to think this through.

  When her friend didn't answer, she said quietly, "Jill, I know why you do what you do. You think that not letting people into your heart will keep you from getting hurt again. I can't understand how your family-or any family could turn their back on their own daughter. I know that's why you…stay…avoid relationships, but don't turn your back on the possibility of happiness without even knowing what might be there."

  She paused, and carefully finished, "That's really what this is all about, right? She's gotten under your skin. Otherwise you would have already slept with her."

  "Do you think I'm crazy?" Jillian's voice was hoarse with emotion. Julie had cut to her inner demons as only she could.

  Julie crossed the room to sit next to Jillian. She wrapped an arm around her shoulder to pull the auburn head down to her chest and gently stroked her hair.

  "I think you try so hard to appear that you don't need anybody that you almost had yourself convinced. Trust your instincts, Jill. You'll know if it's right."

  Jillian looked at her friend in wonder, "How did you get to be so smart?"

  Julie gave her a crooked grin, "I read a lot of fortune cookies." Laughing, she playfully pushed Jillian, "Now get out of here and talk to that woman. I have a feeling it will be worth it."

  #

  He stood in the shadows watching as his subject exited the dormitory to his right, knowing who she had been visiting. So predictable. The minute he saw the two names on the roster in January he knew it was inevitable. He had to admit the two dykes had surprised him, however. In the six months he had been watching they had displayed only friendly platonic behavior. No matter. He had enough 8 x 10 glossies of the two of them in what he could still spin as intimate moments. That, coupled with the sightings at various clubs in Boston would be more than enough.

  That bitch Gray had given him everything he needed to run her out on a rail; a thought that brought a sneer to his pudgy face. His boss told him to make a case on her and move on. But he couldn't give it up. He knew that biding his time would be profitable. Patience was a virtue and it was surely going to pay dividends this time. Out of nowhere last month, a new blonde appeared with the rest of the deviants frequenting those houses of sin in Boston. He scrambled to make identification and to his glee discovered that she was the new resident sharing Gray's room. This is going to be too easy.

  Gray climbed the stairs, disappearing inside the adjoining building. The investigator's eyes moved automatically to the second floor window in the center. Lights were on and the shade was up. Is it Christmas? He took a chance and lit a cigarette, careful to cup his hand and conceal the glowing tip. Minutes passed. He didn't care how long he waited. He knew he had Gray. Julia Marks would be easy to flip. Devon James was the next target in sight.

  Chapter 5

  Walking back across the quad, Jillian thought about the conversation with her friend. She looked up to where the window to their shared room overlooked the open field, knowing as she approached, that she was nearing a moment of truth. She could openly admit to a physical attraction toward the beautiful blonde; who couldn't see how great looking she was? What unnerved Jillian is the fact that she never wanted to touch anyone as badly as she wanted to touch Devon and it literally terrified her when she thought about doing it.

  She spent so many nights lying awake listening to the soft breathing coming from the bunk below her and imagining what it would be like to hold her while she dreamed. In the morning, if she woke first, she would lean over the side and watch Devon sleep, feeling an ache in her heart. But, she reminded herself all of this build up could be nothing more than wishful, unrequited longing. Julie was right, there was only one way to find out.

  When she reached the center of the hallway, she saw that the door to their room was slightly ajar. Remembering that the floor was freshly buffed, Jillian removed her shoes and pushed the door open quietly, stepping inside. Devon was sitting on the medium green velour couch with her chin resting on her knees that were pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She was wearing jeans and a grey t-shirt with cut off sleeves revealing the swell of the side of her breast beneath her raised arm.

  Jillian stood anchored to the spot for a few moments, her eyes taking in every inch of the woman seated across the room, her heart beating wildly in her chest. If Devon heard Jillian come in, she didn't show it. She stared out the window at the night.

  "Hey," the southern drawl softly broke the silence. She grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator before crossing the room to sit next to Devon on the couch. She opened both bottles and handed one to the woman sitting beside her.

  When she got no response, she started again, "You okay?" she shifted and leaned her head at an angle to look at Devon's face. Staring directly into the pool blue eyes, Jillian searched for a welcoming sign. "Mad at me?" she grinned sideways, but held
her breath waiting for a response.

  Devon smiled in spite of herself, "I thought I'd done something to piss you off." She shrugged.

  Shit. "Is that what you thought? No, never...I…just…." Jillian's words failed her as she became desperately aware of how close they were. She felt the points where her body touched Devon's; her hip against a muscular thigh, her elbow slightly touching her side. She locked her eyes on Devon's allowing all of her emotion to show. Jillian would give anything if Devon could see into her heart; to know the depth of her feeling. She didn't want Devon.

  Devon was an aching need.

  "Please. Don't ever think that." Jillian struggled to speak around the emotion squeezing her throat, "I just…last week…I wanted to-"

  At that moment, Devon reached out and put a hand on Jillian's left thigh. It was an innocent gesture of encouragement in response to whatever Jillian was struggling to say. The heat from Devon's hand sent a shockwave coursing into Jillian's body. Rational thought was short circuited when unmistakable desire flashed in the inviting pools of blue.